I Live In A Glass House
And
Sometimes
I Throw Stones
Yet
I Differ From The Rest of Human Kind
For
When I Throw Stones...Attacks On My Glass House
Are
At The Very Least...EXPECTED...Welcomed Even :-)
Do I even make any sort of sense??
Often times I notice that people forget about their previous judgment or opinions of others in a particular situation when they are on the "witness stand"...defending themselves in a similar scenario.
Its all quite simple really...if you insist on being an unqualified "judge"...then prepare to be judged...by judges who don't even have a law degree :-D
xoxo
Monday, October 19, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Parenting.....
Nooooooo....I am not a parent in the actual sense of the word...not expecting and not feeling particularly broody today either :-)
At the tender age of 16+, I was thrust into the wonderful world of God-Parenting when a close friend of the family got caught up in the teenage pregnancy scene...from time to time things would get quite hard for her at home...so I often chipped in by keeping the baby for random periods of time...So there I was preparing for CXC but also caring for another person's new born but without a grumble or complaint...I absolutely loved it...it was then that the mother in me was born...those who have known me long enough know that grown baby to be my lovely Shemiel Kizzy (I also named her :-D)...just because I didn't give birth does not suggest that I don't have parenting experience...so now to the issue at hand :-)
Recently I was looking at an episode of Dr. Phil and was quite peeved with a full time mom who proceeded to berate every working mother who did not choose to follow her path...of course we are all entitled to our opinions...but think about it for a minute..."I feel being a full time mother is the best thing for my family at this point" is expressing an opinion...quite acceptable...but who gives her the right to go passing negative judgment on all working moms???
In any event that foolish woman got me to thinking about what parenting really is...should it really be about sacrificing all your hopes and dreams to raise your clan...only to feel a sense of resentment when they are all off to uni campuses around the world??...then you start reflecting on the what ifs and could have beens :-S.
...Do you really have to quit your job to nurture your children and raise them right??...In my mind career moms can teach by example the all important lessons of hard work and independence!
...Do you really have to spend each waking hour with your children just to instill values??
Parents have a responsibility to each child...and quite obviously they must ensure that they make quality time to fulfill their responsibilities...but this in no way translates to 'stay at home'...Full time moms don't produce 'better' children than working moms...at the end of the day there are basic lessons to be taught...and your work situation should not affect this!!
- Teach a child to embrace his / her identity because chances are forcing them into your own mold breeds a very sly child who is the epitome of perfection in your presence and complete opposite in your absence....I remember as a child I hated dolls and toys with a passion...I had a love for all books and those guns with the orange rounds...haha...I absolutely detested cartoons...still do actually...anyway no one attempted to break me out of these habits and I am ever grateful...on one occasion I remember pleading to keep a gun which I was supposed to give as a gift for a birthday party...I had to be about 6/7 at the time and my mother happily complied, since I was always given books for birthdays and Xmas...I had a multitude of books on hand to substitute as a gift :-)....Nurture your child's personality!
- Encourage a child to have an opinion...albeit different from your own...at least you have the opportunity to see how their mind works and see where further work may be necessary...my Daddy (greatest one ever..literally) and I would have random disagreements about various issues...I was actually allowed to defend my position...some might call it disrespect...and in fact often times my step mother used to intervene with "y'all just stop"...but there was nothing offensive about our arguments...we exchanged our own opinions on various subjects...sometimes quite heatedly too...but the mutual love and respect was ever present...and now I am a master debater who allows no one to take the piss...:-D
- Instill self confidence...children who grow up constantly hearing 'stupid' 'ugly' 'fat' and all the other negatives eventually believe it all...I remember last Christmas day I told my bf's niece "you look absolutely lovely today"...she grinned...give a little twirl and responded "I know"...and my heart smiled because although her first reaction was not to drop the standard 'thank you'...she was not surprised by my comment and further she didn't need my validation to feel great about herself...BTW she is only 6...Kudos to Emma and Tony!
- Preach about behavior...time and place for everything...respect for others and their belongings...each time one of my god daughters is coming to spend some time with me...her mom would always reinforce "She is not easy to deal with"...I always find this amusing because when this child gets to my spot the only complaint I have at the end is that I am put on curfew each night...cause whenever she is ready to sleep...I hear "good night Aunty Kimmy"...and my lights go off with that...she might not be easy at home but she understands the difference between being at home and out...kudos to Kelly Ann!!
- Give your child the gift of experience and great memories...get on a boat...head out to dinner...go shopping...jump on a plane...play mas...celebrate birthdays...allow them to help with chores...anything...just get them active and involved...Last week my bf's family and I went to dinner...the jazz band striked up and the children (6+ and 2+) instantly started slow dancing to the beautiful sounds of music...further to that..when their dinner arrived...they both immediately unwrapped their napkins and spread them on their laps...and the older one proceeded to eat with her knife and fork...all this without any adult having to utter a single word of guidance before hand...to me this is evidence of children who have been given the gift of experience very early...again Kudos to Emma and Tony!!!
I've gone on and on...but my point remains the same...there are basic lessons to teach our children...and raising well rounded children who know without a doubt that they are loved does not have to put everything else in the parents life at a sudden stand still...if you chose to be a full time mom then more power to you...but it is not a necessity...give love and guidance parents...that's what is important at the end of the day!!
At the tender age of 16+, I was thrust into the wonderful world of God-Parenting when a close friend of the family got caught up in the teenage pregnancy scene...from time to time things would get quite hard for her at home...so I often chipped in by keeping the baby for random periods of time...So there I was preparing for CXC but also caring for another person's new born but without a grumble or complaint...I absolutely loved it...it was then that the mother in me was born...those who have known me long enough know that grown baby to be my lovely Shemiel Kizzy (I also named her :-D)...just because I didn't give birth does not suggest that I don't have parenting experience...so now to the issue at hand :-)
Recently I was looking at an episode of Dr. Phil and was quite peeved with a full time mom who proceeded to berate every working mother who did not choose to follow her path...of course we are all entitled to our opinions...but think about it for a minute..."I feel being a full time mother is the best thing for my family at this point" is expressing an opinion...quite acceptable...but who gives her the right to go passing negative judgment on all working moms???
In any event that foolish woman got me to thinking about what parenting really is...should it really be about sacrificing all your hopes and dreams to raise your clan...only to feel a sense of resentment when they are all off to uni campuses around the world??...then you start reflecting on the what ifs and could have beens :-S.
...Do you really have to quit your job to nurture your children and raise them right??...In my mind career moms can teach by example the all important lessons of hard work and independence!
...Do you really have to spend each waking hour with your children just to instill values??
Parents have a responsibility to each child...and quite obviously they must ensure that they make quality time to fulfill their responsibilities...but this in no way translates to 'stay at home'...Full time moms don't produce 'better' children than working moms...at the end of the day there are basic lessons to be taught...and your work situation should not affect this!!
- Teach a child to embrace his / her identity because chances are forcing them into your own mold breeds a very sly child who is the epitome of perfection in your presence and complete opposite in your absence....I remember as a child I hated dolls and toys with a passion...I had a love for all books and those guns with the orange rounds...haha...I absolutely detested cartoons...still do actually...anyway no one attempted to break me out of these habits and I am ever grateful...on one occasion I remember pleading to keep a gun which I was supposed to give as a gift for a birthday party...I had to be about 6/7 at the time and my mother happily complied, since I was always given books for birthdays and Xmas...I had a multitude of books on hand to substitute as a gift :-)....Nurture your child's personality!
- Encourage a child to have an opinion...albeit different from your own...at least you have the opportunity to see how their mind works and see where further work may be necessary...my Daddy (greatest one ever..literally) and I would have random disagreements about various issues...I was actually allowed to defend my position...some might call it disrespect...and in fact often times my step mother used to intervene with "y'all just stop"...but there was nothing offensive about our arguments...we exchanged our own opinions on various subjects...sometimes quite heatedly too...but the mutual love and respect was ever present...and now I am a master debater who allows no one to take the piss...:-D
- Instill self confidence...children who grow up constantly hearing 'stupid' 'ugly' 'fat' and all the other negatives eventually believe it all...I remember last Christmas day I told my bf's niece "you look absolutely lovely today"...she grinned...give a little twirl and responded "I know"...and my heart smiled because although her first reaction was not to drop the standard 'thank you'...she was not surprised by my comment and further she didn't need my validation to feel great about herself...BTW she is only 6...Kudos to Emma and Tony!
- Preach about behavior...time and place for everything...respect for others and their belongings...each time one of my god daughters is coming to spend some time with me...her mom would always reinforce "She is not easy to deal with"...I always find this amusing because when this child gets to my spot the only complaint I have at the end is that I am put on curfew each night...cause whenever she is ready to sleep...I hear "good night Aunty Kimmy"...and my lights go off with that...she might not be easy at home but she understands the difference between being at home and out...kudos to Kelly Ann!!
- Give your child the gift of experience and great memories...get on a boat...head out to dinner...go shopping...jump on a plane...play mas...celebrate birthdays...allow them to help with chores...anything...just get them active and involved...Last week my bf's family and I went to dinner...the jazz band striked up and the children (6+ and 2+) instantly started slow dancing to the beautiful sounds of music...further to that..when their dinner arrived...they both immediately unwrapped their napkins and spread them on their laps...and the older one proceeded to eat with her knife and fork...all this without any adult having to utter a single word of guidance before hand...to me this is evidence of children who have been given the gift of experience very early...again Kudos to Emma and Tony!!!
I've gone on and on...but my point remains the same...there are basic lessons to teach our children...and raising well rounded children who know without a doubt that they are loved does not have to put everything else in the parents life at a sudden stand still...if you chose to be a full time mom then more power to you...but it is not a necessity...give love and guidance parents...that's what is important at the end of the day!!
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